Today is the last day Spencer gets to go to Mother’s Day Out until September. It is his last day of school. My last day of lots of time without him. I started having a little bit of a what do I do with the day moment, and I’ve learned a few things about myself that I find interesting and most of which I quiet like.

1) While I do have the TV on at our house a lot during the day, I don’t like to just sit and watch it. I have a tolerance to do that for MAYBE 1 hour long show. Then I’d rather find something else to do while having the TV on as noise. Spencer really doesn’t provide enough background noise to not have it on, plus it slows that boy down every now and again.

2) I treated myself to lunch at Taco Bueno, and noticed while I was sitting there how content I felt. I was reflecting on my life and things I would do different or like to change (and there are always things to change and fix), but I realized that I do love life at a mom and I am excited to see how life as a stay at home mom changes as my kids get older.

So, while I was in a weird funk to start the day, I am feeling quiet good about life and what the future (immediate and distant) holds.

Question: Spring
What’s blossoming?

Not only are the flowers blooming (yes, I did plant flowers!! If you know my track record with gardening and such, you’d be amazed too), but I feel like I am doing well too. I feel like I am growing a person, a wife and mother.

Since my surgery, I feel like I have developed a great sense of sympathy and sometimes empathy. I’ve really been working on being more supportive and attentive to my husband as he goes through things, and I feel like I’ve had some success.

We’ve been doing a 30 games in 45 day challenge together. We’re almost done, and I feel like we’ve grown closer as couple. And I’ve grown to appreciate him more as I spend more time not just watching movies or playing video games. We’ve also planned a couple of vacations (family and couple), and I’m not just excited for them, but I can hardly wait since I get to spend so much time with him.

I am trying to be a better mom to my darling baby boy, and I’m not having AS much success with that one as I would like. I am making an effort to take him to the park everyday, and do things with him that he likes to do. He has been wanting to spend more time with me as a result.

I am also going to make an effort to help him learn more. We are going to practice numbers and letters now. I just have to make the cards and laminate them. He and I are also going to decorate his playroom. He is going help me choose what he wants on the walls, and I’m excited about it too.

Personally, I am doing quite well with my scripture study, and I am doing great with my perseverance through the Book of Mormon. I haven’t read it through in one long stretch, but it largish chucks. So, I feel like I am making progress.

That’s what is blooming this spring.

Prompt: 3 words
What three words would describe you right now?

I thought this would be an easy one, but it’s really not. As I’ve been thinking about words that describe me right now, and they are not words I am happy about. So, I’m not going to share, but I am going to write about what words I WANT to describe me and how I’m going to get to that word from where I am now.

Spiritual – I am not as focused I as should be on my spirituality. So, the things I know I need to change are my scripture study habits. They feel apart after my surgery. I also need to change the attitude of my personal prayers. Currently they seem like more of an after thought than the point, and I often find my mind wandering. So, I am going to be working on Personal Progress Faith 1 that will help me create a pattern of prayer.

I am also going to attend the temple at least once a month starting tonight.

Healthy – I feel like I have actually come a long way in this category. I am eating a little bit better, and I am eating less. I am really ready to begin exercising to get my body into a good shape. I want to be able to keep up with Spencer, and possibly be ready for the next one.

I am going to try to walk for 30 minutes at least 3 times a week.

Maternal – I am very much this, but sometimes I feel less than maternal. I feel like I can be very selfish with my time, and I tend to turn on the TV too much so I can “have a minute for myself.” I just need to plan better activities for Spencer and I to do together. And not just winging it like we have been lately. That’s the plan. To plan an activity for us to do every day, AM and PM.

I have learned quite a lot over the last few weeks about how wonderful my dear husband is.  I have been listening to friends talk about their husbands and the dynamic of their marriages, and I am so grateful for the one I have.

It’s not that my friends husband’s are bad men and they have bad relationships.  It’s quite contray.   They have loving husbands too, but I could NEVER live with some of those types of relationships.  Just some of the things that don’t really matter to my friends, would REALLY bother me.

I am so grateful for my husband who gives me the love and support I need in all the right places.  While I know that he isn’t perfect, I do know that he is perfect for me.  Thank you for all you do.  I love you, Adam!

Today has been a crummy day.  I feel like the worst mom in the whole world because I can’t stand my son, and in order to deal with it, Adam has to take him and play with him away from me.

This week has really just been like that.  I can’t STAND a whinny crying kid, especially when I know he’s just doing it to get attention.  I don’t know what to do about it.  I felt bad for him when he was sick, and he learned that he could get attention.  But he’s been getting up from his naps in a foul mood, and as result Mommy gets put in a terrible mood and I just want to shake him!

I would like to ignore the behavior and not reward it, but his G. G’ma will give him what he’s looking for so it won’t work.  So, I’m stuck in this weird place feeling like the worst mom in the world because I want NOTHING to do with Spencer while he’s acting this way.  I guess I can sort it out once life gets back to normal…  still doesn’t help me today, but oh well…

I’ve noticed since I’ve been reading my scriptures faithfully for the last 3 weeks (has it really only been 3 weeks!?), that my days have gone better, and I seem to handle things with more patience and love.  There have of course been days of exception, but really only 1 major off day.

I really do love to read my scriptures now, and I can tell a difference in my day if I read them in the morning, but I haven’t forgotten to read yet.  If I didn’t have time for whatever reason to read them in the morning, I find time during the day or I read before bed.  It’s been great to see how things do change so quickly.    Awesome!

Prompt: Gift.

This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

I have received so many gifts this year both tangible and intangible.  It is difficult to narrow it down, but I am going to narrow it down to 1 intangible and 1 intangible.

The most memorable tangible gift I recieved this year was a new camera.  I have really be developing my passion for photography, and I have been working with an older Canon Rebel.  A good camera, but I would have to borrow one from my Dad to do family pictures of my friends and to do the wedding I shot.

For my birthday, my darling husband bought me a Canon 50D camera and my parents gave me a lens and a bag.  I even got a strap and a flash for Christmas.  These are this is the most memorable gift for me because I feel the love and support of those around me in the direction I am taking my interests.

The most memorable intangible gift I have received this year is from my husband as well.  That is his unconditional support in pursuing those things that make me happy.  He was crazy supportive of my decision to go to school and even more so when I decided I was done.  He told me the right things at the right time, and I’m grateful for that.

Prompt: Defining moment.

Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year

A lot of what I feel like my defining moments are happened later in the year.  Perhaps it is because I can remember them more clearly; perhaps it is because so many things have been happening.

One that did happen earlier this year, was with my Grandma W.  She feel and broke her shoulder while visiting my Uncle who lived in the Middle East (at the time).  The first thing that I said was,  “When do I leave?”  I knew that I was the person who could up and leave so, I did. I feel a little like I’m bragging on myself here, but I was really proud that that was my first reaction.

The rest have all been baby or medical related.  For a while, I felt like I was being punished since I couldn’t get pregnant, and I felt like I would die a little inside everytime I found out one of my friends or relatives was pregnant.  (And believe me, it happened A LOT).  The defining moment for me though was that I never felt like I wasn’t loved and I had faith that I would be blessed with a baby in time. Last time I went threw this, I got to the point where I felt like I wasn’t a loved daughter of God, and it was ugly.  I never got to that point this time and I’m grateful.  I just kept looking for what I needed to learn.

Boy did I find it!  It’s a good thing the Lord has his timing.  It would have been EXTREMELY bad to find out about my ACM while being pregnant.  I am grateful for the Lord’s timing and His hand in my life.

1 Nephi 20: 10  For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.

I feel like this scripture has particular application to me right now.  I feel like I have been placed in the refiner’s furnace.  Even though I haven’t actually had my surgery yet, I have learned a lot of about myself, and what I think is important.    My family is incredibly important to me, and so I’ve dropped things in my life that take me from them.

I have also found that I have turned to the Lord more fully.  I’ve been praying regularly and studying my scriptures daily, which is a habit that I had fallen out of.  I’ve seen the difference it makes in my life, and I’m grateful for it.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be refined, and draw closer to the Lord and to my family.

I took a break from writing over the weekend, since it was Christmas and we had 8:30 church.  I was just a busy girl in the morning, and that is when I like to write and when I feel the most pensive, creative and inspired.  With that, on with the prompt.

Prompt: Ordinary joy.

Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

I don’t know that I could pin one ordinary joyful moment down.  I can tell you that my most joyful ordinary moments have been centered around my darling son who finds SO much joy in the world around him.

Watching him do something for the first time, and finding that he can do it is magic.  The smile and the light in his eyes says wonders.  Or just watching him get all wound up right before bed time, and run around the living room just laughing and high stepping.  Every time I see that, I can’t help but smile and tell him that I love him.

I think things like watching a two year old find joy are the reasons our Father in Heaven wants us to have children.  They bring us joy.  They also bring frustration and sometimes hardships, but without those things we wouldn’t know the real joy that a child brings.

My goal (from now on) is to try to not to let the little things that Spencer does that bother me get to me.  I want to be able to show him the love and kindness that he deserves.

I have been told in a blessing giving to me when I was a teenager, that I should always show forth love in my home, and be an example to those around me.  I feel like I haven’t done that well enough.  I am going to be better, and I can do it!